I've never been a vengeful person. In fact, I can honestly say I've never even hated anyone... until recently. What's hardest is that as much as I try not to, I can't help it. Part of me doesn't want to, I suppose. I've been personally attacked and insulted like most people, but I'm usually understanding of why someone takes it to a level like that. When I get heated enough, I say things just to be hurtful, because I feel hurt. Though sometimes true statements and feelings, those are things that need not be said as all they will do is hurt someone.
So... goal #1: stop saying hurtful things just to p*ss someone off for the simple reason of being upset myself.
I'm also struggling with the 'moving on' process. Individuals who have hurt my family and I believe that moving on means to just sweep it under the rug. Let's not talk about it because, even though it's on your mind and creating your current feelings, it just isn't pleasant for those who caused the mess. So let's just not throw it in their faces since, hey, they admitted their wrong and have apologized, right? What more could possibly be expected from them? What's that? Sincerity, you say?
Normally, I can move beyond painful experiences, but now, with children, the mama claws come out and stay out until problem is handled to her standard. So if you think that years of screwing someone over should be resolved within a couple months, I'll be happy to tell you where to go. In my opinion, I'm doing the world a favor by delivering the truth to those who may be as naive as I once was.
This is something I never expected to have to teach my children. It's a sad truth. Don't trust anyone, especially those who you should be able to trust, as they can hurt you more deeply than anyone else. Always have a backup plan and never depend on anyone but yourself.
ahhh... glad to get off my chest, lol
